Meltdown

Okay so just bare with me for a second. I'm sitting here at home laughing my head off all alone. Andy is at school, Oakley's chewing on his toy duck, and the baby has the hiccups for the 5th time today. I'm laughing, because that's sometimes what I just do. I laugh, I laugh when I'm in an awkward situation. I laugh when I'm uncomfortable. I laugh when I'm trying not to cry, or when someone says something that hurts my feelings. I've been this way my whole life, when my dad would spank me...I'd laugh. You get the picture, but all that has changed these last 8 months of being pregnant. Instead of laughing, I'm crying which leads me to last weekend. Andy had a really busy week last week. Busy as in not just work and school, but after all that he played basketball, hockey, young men's activities, a work dinner, and went snowboarding Friday night (our usual date night) All of these things put him getting home late, like after I'm already in bed late. Usually it's great and I'm fine when he has things going on. I was fine all week, so Saturday rolls around and I'm so excited because we get the whole day to spend together doing whatever I want, whatever I need help with. So I plan the whole day out, we're going to sleep in, finish the nursery, paint some shelves, just tie up a lot of loose ends. Keep in mind this was his idea, to be with me ALL day Saturday. So we wake up to his cell phone ringing, they've asked him to come referee the young men's basketball game from 11-12. Okay, fine. I told him to tell them "no" because he reffed two games last week, but whatever. He can't tell them no, so he goes. Fine, I'll just clean the house. Then I get a call from him saying that he has to ref one more game, so now he'll be home at 1:00. Again I think 'Fine.' Finally he gets home and we are ready to go, we run to IKEA our first stop, as we're walking into the store his phone rings again. At this point I want to rip the phone out of his hands and hurl it across the store. Well some guy wants to come look at the truck (we put it up for sale) he wants to come in an hour. So we run through IKEA get nothing done, and head back home so that he can get the truck cleaned up for this guy. Meanwhile, my day is ruined at this point it's 3:30 and we've gotten nothing accomplished. So I go up to our room, shut the door and have a total melt down. I sat there crying for an hour, to the point where I couldn't even breath. I can't even think of a time when I've cried that hard ever, ever, ever. Andy finally comes in and honestly thinks that someone has just died. As he tries his best to comfort me, I'm telling him get out, get away from me. So he does, he leaves gives me what I want. Well that just makes me cry even harder, so I throw the pillow at the door because he's just going to leave me there??? What kind of a husband does that??? So he comes back in the room, when he asks me what's wrong all I can get out is, "You...sniff...ruined...sniff, sniff, wipe...my day!!!" Then more sobs and tears follow along with the crazy talk:
Me: "I can't do this anymore Andy," Now I'm screaming at him with a creaky voice.
Andy: "Can't do what Jess?"
Me: Cry, cry, cry
Andy: "Be pregnant anymore?"
Me: Shake head
Andy: "You want to call it quits?"
Me: Sob and hysterically shake my head
Andy: "I don't know what to do..."
He's blown away has no clue what to do, he's looking at me like he's never seen me before. In the mean time the guy comes to look at the truck, Andy's thinking, 'Do I answer the door? Do I leave her? Can I leave her? Is she going to jump out the window?
At this point, I don't even know what I'm saying, or really why I'm crying anymore. So I crawl into the bathroom. He follows me (on his hands and knees into the bathroom)
Andy: "Stop crying now."
Me: Shake my head
Andy: "I don't care if you cry for a reason, but do you have a reason?"
Me: Nod my head
Andy: "Sorry that I ruined your day. Now stop crying, and get off the floor."
Me: Shake head
Andy: Grabs me by my arm and drags me across the bathroom floor. Bends down and tries to pick me up. No good, I'm too heavy.
I start crying again because now I'm too fat!

Eventually I get up on the bed, stop crying, and fall asleep. When I wake up, I'm trying to make sense of it all. But am sticking to my point that he ruined my day, and that I'm not a scary enough wife. Why because it's easier for him to tell me no, than other people.

Now as I'm remembering this and playing it back in my head, I'm laughing. I really am crazy, but he really did ruin my day. It feels good though to laugh instead of cry...I need to get this kid out of me while I still have some sanity left.